Last night was a rough night. I must admit my heart quakes as the prospect of four more years under the leadership of a man who clearly is making very poor decisions for our country, and that's the best case senario. But in the midst of many tears, I asked myself several hard questions, the answers to which I'm still wrestling and coming to grips with.
Do I believe in my country or in God?
Do I believe what God says in His Word or what I can see with my human eyes?
In what do I place my trust? Where do I lean?
What is the most valuable thing in my life? How would I respond if that was taken away? Can it be taken away?
Am I a citizen of the United States of America or of Heaven?
Bottom Line:
Where is my allegiance?
You see, I was raised in a military family. No, neither of my parents were in the military, but almost every male on my dad's side of the family for the last three generations has been and there are more going further back, I'm just not as framiliar with them. I'm proud of those men and what they do. I'm proud of that part of my heritage. I was raised to love and respect and serve this country. I seriously, very seriously, considered the military myself.
Allegiance is a very important concept to me. But the foundational question I've been running up against in the last several months is what or who deserves my allegiance? What will "I pledge my allegiance" to? A flag, a democratic ideal, a country which is quickly crumbling and showing no signs of stopping, or to a God who has stood firm and unchangable throughout time and will continue to do so?
This election and the months leading up to it, as well as other events in my own life, are forcing me to take a deep look into my heart and ask some very complicated, emotional, and gut wrentching questions... just ask my husband, who has had to hold and comfort me through several teary evenings (being pregant doesn't help either, since I feel like I'm close to tears most of the time anyway).
I don't think I'm done with the process either. I am confident where I will end up, safe and secure in the arms of my Savior and God, relying on His strength, comfort, and faithfulness to get me through. Looking and hoping for His return, waiting for my heavenly Bridegroom to return for me, looking forward to the day when I will worship Him face-to-face as well as in spirit and truth. Until that day, I will fight - fight my flesh, fight the good fight He has set before me, seek to honor and glorify Him with my words, thoughts, actions, and deepest desires, and fall on His grace and mercy when I fall short of that goal.
I am so thankful that it is not I who live, but Christ who lives in me.
I am a new creation, formed in His image, made in His likeness, serving Him now and into eternity as His handmaiden and bondservent (I love those words!).
Am I still learning how to be those things? Yes! Completely! Totally! I know I am not finished, but I know that He who started a good work in me is faithful and will bring it to completion on that bright and glorious day when I see Him face-to-face.
Oh, how I long for that day! May I be ready and watching for the return of my Lord!
I pray on that day I will hear, "Well done, good and faithful servant!"
But this I know with all my heart, those words themselves will be the greatest evidence of His grace and mercy in my life.
I'll finish with this, something that has been a great encouragement to me in the last several weeks as I wrestle through emotions, misconceptions, fear, and doubt.
"He will be the sure foundation for your times, a rich store of salvation and wisdom and knowledge; the fear of the Lord is the key to this treasure."
Isaiah 33:6
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